Thursday, April 29, 2010

Trying To Do The Job Alone

Dear Sir,
I am writing in response to your request for additional information. In block number 3 of the accident reporting form, I put "trying to do the job alone" as the cause of my accident. You said in your letter that I should explain more fully, and I trust that the following details will be sufficient:
I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six story building. When I completed my work, I discovered that I had about 500 pounds of brick left over. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which, fortunately, was attached to the side of the building at the sixth floor.
Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the brick into it. Then I went back to the ground and untied the rope, holding it tight to insure a slow descent of the 500 pounds of bricks. You will note, in block number 11 of the accident reporting form, that I weigh 135 pounds.
Due to my surprise of being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rather rapid rate up the side of the building.
In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming down. This explains the fractured skull and broken collarbone. Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley. Fortunately, by this time, I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope in spite of my pain.
At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground, and the bottom broke out of the barrel. Devoid of the weight of the bricks, the barrel now weighed approximately fifty pounds.
I refer you again to my weight in the accident reporting form, block number 11.
As you might imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounted for the two fractured ankles and the lacerations on my legs and lower body.
The encounter with the barrel slowed me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell onto the pile of bricks, and fortunately, only three vertebrae were cracked. I am sorry to report, however, that as I lay there on the bricks in pain, unable to stand, and watching the empty barrel six stories above me...I again lost my presence of mind...and let go of the rope!

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Man jumping off a cliff

A couple of strangers were drinking at a cliffside bar overlooking the ocean. Both of them look a little drunk, when one says to the other: "Hey, look at the wind whipping up the side of that cliff. It moves pretty fast. I'll bet I could jump off of the ledge, catch the wind in my coat, and get lifted right back up to the bar!" 

"No way", says the other guy, "you'd fall to your death." 

"Well, I'm going to try it!", says the first, and at that he walks over, stands on the ledge, and leaps off in a swan dive. Sure enough, he comes sailing back up in no time, and lands on his feet right in front of the bar. 

"I can't believe it!" says the second guy, "that's impossible" . So the first drunk does it again: he jumps off the cliff, catches the wind in his coat, and comes sailing back to the bar.

"Go ahead", he says, "try it, it's great!" 

"Well, OK, I'm just drunk enough to give it a go", says the second fellow. So he climbs the ledge and leaps off the cliff, only to fall screaming to his death on the rocks below. 

The first guy walks back to the bar and sits down to his drink. The bartender steps over, looks him in the eye, and says to him: "You know, you can be a real jerk sometimes when you've been drinking, Superman".

Parachute Joke

One guy goes skydiving for the first time. After he jumps out of the plane, he counts to ten, pulls the ripcord, and nothing happens. Only a little worried, he pulls the cord for the auxiliary parachute, but unfortunately, the chute still does not appear. As he is plummeting toward the Earth, he sees a woman coming up the other way. He shouts to her "Do you know anything about parachutes?" "No", she says, "do you know anything about gas stoves?"

I left the room key in the car!

Bill, Jim, and Scott were at a convention together and were sharing a large suite on the top of a 75 story sky scraper. After a long day of meetings they were shocked to hear that the elevators in their hotel were broken and they would have to climb 75 flights of stairs to get to their room. Bill said to Jim and Scott, let's break the monotony of this unpleasant task by concentrating on something interesting. I'll tell jokes for 25 flights, and Jim can sing songs for 25 flights, and Scott can tell sad stories the rest of the way. At the 26th floor Bill stopped telling jokes and Jim began to sing. At the 51st floor Jim stopped singing and Scott began to tell sad stories. "I will tell my saddest story first," he said. "I left the room key in the car!" 

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Funny Moments to Share ....

Ek Sharabi full tight hokar ghar jaa raha tha. Raaste me mandir ke baahar pujari dikha.
Sharabi n pujari se poocha, sabse bada kaun?

Pujaari ne  baat taalne ke liye kaha "Mandir Bada".
Sharabi bola "Mandir bada toh dharti pe kaise khada"
Pujari: "Dharti badi"
Sharabi: "Dharti badi toh Sheshnaag pe kyun khadi"
Pujari" "Sheshnaag bada"
Sharabi: "Sheshnaag bada toh Shiv ke gale me kyon pada"
Pujari: "Shiv bada"
Sharabi: "Shiv bada toh Parbat par kyon khada"
Pujari: "Parbat bada"
Sharabi: "Parbat bada toh Hanuman ki ungli pe kyon pada"
Pujari: "Hanuman bada"
Sharabi: "Hanuman bada toh Ram ki charno me kyon pada"
Pujari: "Ram bada"
Sharabi: "Ram bada toh Ravan ke piche kyun pada"

Pujari: "arey mere baap tu bata kaun bada"
Sharabi: "Is duniya me woh bada jo puri bottle pee ke apni taango pe khada"

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

What Women Want???


What Women Want???


Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, If after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death. The question was: What do women really want?


Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, And to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, He accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end. He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: The princess, the priests, the wise men, and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer. Many people advised him to consult the old witch, For only she would have the answer.


But the price would be high as the witch was famous through out the Kingdom >>for the exorbitant prices she charged. The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her price first. The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, The most noble of the Knights of the Round Table, And Arthur's closest friend!


Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunch-backed and hideous, had only one tooth, Smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life. He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden, But Lancelot, having learnt of the proposal, spoke with Arthur. He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life. And the preservation of the Round Table.


Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered. Arthur's question thus: "What a woman really wants?" She said, "Is to be in charge of her own life." Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth. And that Arthur's life would be spared. And so it was. The neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom. And Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding.


The honeymoon hour approached and, Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed. The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened. The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch, She would henceforth be her horrible and deformed self only half the time. And the beautiful maiden the other half. "Which would you prefer? She asked him. "Beautiful during the day ... or at night?"


Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day he could have a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, But at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch! Or, Would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day? But by night a beautiful woman for him to enjoy with?


(If you are a man reading this...) What would YOUR choice be? 
(If you are a woman reading this?) What would YOUR MAN'S choice be?
What Lancelot chose, is given below:
BUT... make YOUR choice before you scroll down below...OKAY?


Noble Lancelot, knowing the answer the witch gave Arthur to his question, He said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself. Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time. Because, he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.
Now... what is the moral to this story?


The moral is...
1) There is witch in every woman no matter how beautiful she is!
2) If you don't let a woman have her own way, things are going to get ugly.


So, always remember: IT'S EITHER "HER WAY" OR IT'S "NO WAY" !!!

Corporate Rules



Corporate Rules
Rule-1
The Boss is always right.
Rule-2
If the Boss is wrong, see rule 1.
Rule-3
Those who work get more work.
Others get pay, perks, and promotions.
Rule-4
Ph.D. stands for "Pull Him Down".
The more intelligent a person,
The more hardworking a person,
The more committed a person;
The more number of persons are engaged
in pulling that person down.
Rule-5
If you are good, you will get all the work.
If you are really good, you will get out of it.
Rule-6
When the Bosses talk about improving productivity,
They are never talking about themselves.
Rule-7
It doesn't matter what you do,
It only matters what you say you've done
and what you are going to do.
Rule-8
A pat on the back is only a few centimeters
from a kick in the butt.
Rule-9
Don't be irreplaceable.
If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
Rule-10
The more crap you put up with,
The more crap you are going to get.
Rule-11
If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit.
No use being a damn fool about it.
Rule-12
When you don't know what to do,
Walk fast and look worried.
Rule-13
Following the rules will not get the job done.
Rule-14
If it weren't for the last minute,
Nothing would get done.
Rule-15
Everything can be filed under "Miscellaneous".
Rule-16
No matter how much you do,
You never do enough.
Rule-17
You can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work
you are supposed to be doing.
Rule-18
In order to get a promotion,
You need not necessarily know your job.
Rule-19
In order to get a promotion,
You only need to pretend that you know your job.
Rule-20
The last person that quit or was fired will be
held responsible for everything that goes wrong.

cheers!

Quote---I kept your name


I kept your name

I kept your name in my journal, and posted you in the ledger of my heart, you wont be classified as fixed assets, because the market value of friendship will never depreciate from heart.

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